Worthy
by txwestie
Summary: Set after the season finale. Piper has to readjust to her life as she accepts what she's done and how it has changed her.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't right. None of it was. Oh, it was deserved. But it wasn't right. That's all Piper could think about as she sat in Caputo's office. It wasn't right. Doggett had attacked her and now she was getting extra time added to her sentence. It wasn't fair. If Healy had done his job the fight wouldn't have happened and Piper wouldn't have spent the past eight days in the hospital.

Those eight days had been the best and the worst eight days of her sentence. She was allowed to stay in bed all day and the hospital food was minutely better than prison food. Although she would never admit that to Red, even if she wasn't running the kitchen anymore. Piper had spent the last eight days replaying the past several months, and when that got old, she branched out to the past ten years of her life. She had never been as honest with herself as she had been the past eight days.

And the conclusion that she had come to was that Doggett was right. She wasn't worthy of anybody's love.

Piper leaned forward in the chair and took a deep breath. Even thinking it was hard. She wasn't worthy. She hadn't ever been worthy. But she was damn well going to make sure that she grew to be worthy. And she was going to do her best to make sure that no one else suffered because of her.

Piper knew that she wasn't going to be able to walk back to her old bunk and expect that nothing had changed. Eight days was a long time and she was a different person now. She was aware of her faults and of the mess that she had made of things. Alex would never forgive her for choosing Larry. And Larry was gone. He hadn't visited her in the hospital and he wouldn't speak to Polly either. He was gone and Piper was alone. Deservedly so.

When Caputo walked in Piper got to her feet and waited for him to circle his desk before sitting again. "Chapman. Welcome back. I trust that you're feeling better." Caputo addressed her without looking up from a file he had opened and dropped onto his desk.

"Yes. Thanks." She raised her bandaged hand and turned it from side to side. It was still sore and stiff and there were still stitches from the surgery but it was feeling better. Piper suspected that Caputo wouldn't have cared if her hand had fallen off, but it was better to be pleasant and pretend that he was sincere. "Much better." Her voice trailed off as he looked up.

"Good." He turned a page and looked back at her again. "I don't know how much you've heard; I know there is a pipeline of information through this place that I'll never be privy to..." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing. I just came back in the van a few minutes ago. I didn't see or speak to anyone before I came here." It was true. Piper had been escorted from the van by Bennett. They had moved through the hallways silently and not seen anyone. It was lunchtime after all.

Caputo sighed and rubbed his balding head. "Huh. Well, Doggett has a severe infection. Her jaw was broken in the…uh…altercation. She had an abscessed tooth and when that pocket of infection was released it got into her bloodstream. They aren't sure if she'll make it." He was matter of fact as he relayed the information.

Piper's eyes widened at his word. She hadn't meant to kill her. Sure, Doggett was a piece of shit and crazy as could be, but Piper didn't want to kill anyone. If she could go back to that night she would have stayed right in her seat and avoided the whole thing. She would have listened to the inmates singing about being a wretch and cried in her seat. She realized her mouth was hanging open and she closed it. "What does that, er, this, mean for me?" She avoided eye contact with him and looked towards the door to her right. "What happens to me?"

Caputo rose and moved to stand behind his chair. Piper tried to look at him but found that she couldn't. Instead she focused on the foggy window just over his shoulder and hoped that he wouldn't notice. "We aren't sure yet. A judge has to make a decision and no one wants to rush to get this done before we find out if Doggett will make it. But the statements we collected after the incident do seem to work in your favor." He leaned over the back of the chair and lifted a small stack of papers. "It is the general consensus that you acted in fear for your life and that it was self-defense. Would you say that this is accurate?"

Piper thought about that. More than she already had. In fact she had been obsessing about this very question for days. Was what she did self-defense? It was hard for her to make sense of her feelings about that now. In the moment she was mad. She could admit that she lost her grip on reality and wasn't thinking about the consequences of her actions when she was straddling Doggett and pounding her face with her fist. Piper was sure that when she originally struck out she was trying to defend herself against a crazy person who wanted to kill her.

But, laying in the hospital bed with nothing to think about outside of her own failings as a decent human being, it had been hard for Piper to justify what she had done. Even to herself. Every throb in her swollen hand was a reminder that she had beaten, unmercifully, another person. Nearly to death as it turns out. If you had asked her six months ago if she would be capable of such a thing she would have laughed and sworn that she couldn't imagine hurting another person. Now Piper wasn't so sure. She had done it. And she had been lost in the feeling of having that kind of power. The power to decide whether someone else lived or died. Even if that hadn't been a conscious thought in her head at the time.

Self-defense. In Piper's mind that was a tricky thing. In order for her to tell Caputo that she had been acting in fear for her own life she would have to be able to say that she deserved to live. And after the realizations she had come to about her own shortcomings and wrongdoings, she wasn't so sure that she did. Her intention was to become the kind of person who deserved to live, and who made a difference for the better with the life that they had, but at the time of the 'incident' she wasn't sure that she was someone who deserved that chance.

Piper looked up at Caputo and realized she had been silent for too long. "Yeah. Yes. She came at me and after Healy turned his back and walked away I thought for sure that she was going to kill me. She said that she was going to kill me. That it was time for me to die. I screamed for help but no one came and then there wasn't a chance to get away from her. It was either fight back or be killed. I'm sorry that she is sick and I regret that it had to happen but I don't regret not letting her kill me."

Piper tried to keep her feelings in check long enough to judge Caputo's reaction to her words. He seemed satisfied. She was shocked at the words that came out of her own mouth. In the hospital she had thought she would lay herself at their mercy and admit that she lost control. Apparently, her self-preservation drive was kicking in again.

Caputo seemed to think for a moment and then sighed. "That's what we figured happened." He lifted another stack of papers and picked up a pen. "I'm going to need you to write a statement about this. About Healy." He handed her the pen and several forms. "Just fill this out and we'll take care of him." He walked around the desk and to the door. "I'll be back in a second. Get that done and then we'll talk about what we're going to do with you."

That sounded ominous and Piper found herself very distracted while she wrote out her statement. She tried to be as factual and unbiased as possible. There was no need for her to embellish what had happened, it was horrible enough on its own. Her mind was stuck on Caputo's last words though, 'we'll talk about what we're going to do with you'. What did he mean? Was it just his way of saying that he would send her back to her bunk to wait out a judge's decision? Was she going to SHU? Was she going to maximum?

Piper shook her head in an effort to clear the worries racing around inside it. She turned her attention to the form in front of her and wrote about Healy turning his back and leaving her to die. What was his problem? Was it that she was a _lesbian_? Was she a lesbian? She must be because the only thing in her mind was making things right with Alex. Not Larry. She needed to know that Alex was going to eventually be able to forgive her and that they could at least be civil to each other.

Shaking her head again she finished the last few lines of what she wanted to say. She signed her name at the bottom and took a small pleasure in signing Piper Chapman and not Piper Bloom. If nothing else at least she hadn't married Larry. Even thinking about how close she had come to being married to him made her heart pound and that in turn made her hand throb. She lifted it up and rested it over her heart to alleviate some of the pressure. It had been hard to hold the pen and as she looked back over the form she smiled at how sloppy her handwriting looked. It was a mess and she could imagine that Caputo would give her grief for it.

A minute later when he lifted the form and read over it quickly he apologized. "Sorry, I didn't think that you might find it difficult to write. Were you able to get everything down that you wanted to say?"

She nodded and tried to hide her surprise at his words. He sat back in his chair and slipped her statement into the file on his desk. "Your bunk was filled by a new inmate. Doggett's bed is empty but we can't put you in there for obvious reasons concerning your safety. Another inmate has been moved to SHU on a long term basis based on her repeated outbursts. You can have her bunk." He paused and seemed to notice the surprised look on Piper's face. "We have to wait until a decision is made before we can make more permanent arrangements for you. You'll know what those are as soon as we do."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked at her again. "Is there anything else?" When Piper shook her head he called for Bennett to come in. "Take her to her new bunk. Make sure she is settled and then take her to get lunch." Piper stood up. "There will be some backlash for you around here. But I imagine that you've also earned yourself a bit of respect." He shook his head. "Sadly, that's just how things work around here." He turned his attention back to his desk and waved his hand in a dismissal. Piper was going back to gen pop.


	2. Chapter 2

Bennett led the way through the familiar halls. Much to Piper's surprise she was breathing easier. More deeply than she had since her ambulance ride to the hospital over a week ago. She looked around and took it all in. Home. Maybe it wasn't her apartment, full of her things, but it was home. Now that she was back it was starting to sink in. This was home. Her home, and she was going to be fine. She could do this. In that moment, Piper made the decision to make the best of her time here and felt a small smile pull at the corners of her mouth.

And then Bennett turned left and stopped.

"What?" It wasn't something that Piper could process, especially since her mind had been wandering and she hadn't realized where she was.

"This is you." Bennett at least had the decency to look like he felt bad for her. The inmates might think that their lives were their own in here, but the guards had a pretty close eye on them. The gossip mill was loud inside these walls and even Bennett knew that this was cruel.

"Here?" Piper took a step back. "I can't stay here." She started to turn to walk out of the room but Bennett caught her by the arm.

"Inmate." His tone was different. "This is your bunk. You will settle in and then make your way to lunch. Hurry." He checked his watch. "It ends in seven minutes."

Piper didn't bother to look at him as he left. She just stood where she was and looked over the short wall at the empty space in Alex's bunk. The space where she was now supposed to sleep, with her eyes closed. Not that she thought Alex would kill her in her sleep. But maybe she would deserve it if she did.

Slowly, very slowly, Piper walked toward the opening to the cube. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" The voice came from behind her and Piper didn't have to turn around to know who it was. She froze and waited. Waited to see what Alex would do.

"No fucking way! She can't stay here." Alex was yelling and a guard stepped out of the booth.

"Inmate, quiet down. Get to your bunk or head out. I won't have shouting in here." The guard seemed bored by the whole thing and didn't stay to see what Alex would do.

More quietly this time, but still with as much anger in her voice, Alex repeated herself. "You can't stay here."

Piper felt her shoulders droop. She hadn't been expecting to be welcomed back with open arms but outright hostility was a surprise too. She had left things on very bad terms with Alex before the fight with Doggett and she knew that being hurt and almost killing someone wouldn't make all of that go away. But maybe, just maybe, she had thought that Alex might have been worried about her. Maybe Alex would be glad to see that she was back and wasn't maimed or scarred for life. Or dead.

Apparently not. Piper didn't turn around. Alex was standing just behind her. "I'm sorry. I told Bennett but…" Her voice trailed off as she heard other voices coming into the room.

"Holy fucking shit! Chapman!" Nicky's voice rang out above all the others. The inmates crowded into the small space around the door to watch what would happen. Nicky was the first to voice what was slowly becoming apparent to everyone. "They put you in here. They gave you that bunk? Seriously?" Nicky turned toward the glass booth where the guards were watching them. "You guys have some sense of humor up there. This is amazing."

Big Boo grabbed her arm and started pulling her backwards out of the room. "I think we need to give them a minute. They'll work it out." As she led the crowd out she finished her thought, "or they'll kill each other."

Alex and Piper were once again alone and by now Alex had moved to block Piper from entering her space. Her arms were crossed and she was staring into and through Piper. "Alex, please. What do you want me to do?" Her voice was weak and Piper was ashamed that she couldn't stand up to her ex-girlfriend.

"I don't care. I really don't fucking care. Figure it out." Alex was cold and refused to meet Piper's eyes.

"I don't know what to do." Piper could hear the catch in her own voice and she was angry at herself. The slight rise in her voice told her that she was seconds away from crying. She knew that Alex knew it too and was ashamed of herself for being that transparent. It wasn't totally her fault. Alex knew her better than anyone else and it would be impossible to hide her feelings from someone who knew her that well. Piper looked down at the ground and took a step back, away from Alex, "ok."

Piper walked out of the room and nearly bumped into Nicky. Quickly she skirted around her and darted to the bathroom. She needed a moment to gather herself. Nearly killing someone a week ago wasn't going to be enough to make up for crying in front of everyone. Piper tucked herself into the one stall with a door and was grateful that el diablo was no longer a part of their lives. It left this stall open a lot more often. And she needed it right now.

Piper sat down on the toilet and rubbed her eyes. Hard. She refused to let herself cry even if no one could see her. This was not the reunion that she had been hoping to have with Alex. Her plan had been to avoid her for a few days, wait for things to settle down after her return, and then bump into her, casually. But that was the plan of a person in a comfortable hospital room. That was the plan of a person on pretty strong pain killers. That was the plan of a moron. Piper knew that she couldn't stay in that bunk and she wracked her brain for a way out of there.

If this was her first week in prison she would just run to Healy and tell him that Alex had made a pass at her. He would have her transferred out of the bunk and her problem would be solved. But Healy was gone, he was a crazy person and he wouldn't be helping her anymore even if he was still there. He wanted her dead. And Alex would never be making a pass at her again. The hate that Piper saw on her face was enough to make her certain of that fact.

Piper was deep in thought and didn't notice the head appear over the top of the stall. "Chapman?" Piper nearly fell off the toilet. "Come out here. I need to talk to you." Piper hesitated but got up.

Nicky was waiting for her in front of the sinks. "You really fucked her up, you know?"

"Way to ease into it, huh." Piper didn't know why she was being flippant. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Nicky and Alex were obviously in the middle of something the last time she had seen them. Maybe it had to do with how jealous Piper was of Nicky. For eight days she had imagined Nicky and Alex as a thing and it had made her crazy. Jealousy. That must have been it.

"You know that's how I am. A cut to the chase kind of girl." Nicky gave her the crooked grin that never really looked like a smile. More like a grimace and a smirk. "Alex loves you. I know that you know that. She knows that you know that. That's why she's so angry. It sucks to have everyone know that you're in love with someone who keeps fucking you over." Nicky scooted back to sit on the counter.

"I know. I'm sorry." Piper stopped talking. Why was she explaining herself to Nicky? She didn't owe Nicky anything. She turned to go but was stopped by what Nicky offered up next.

"She cried every night. While you were gone. She was worried about you and mad at herself for worrying." Nicky waited for Piper to turn back to face her. "We thought you were dead. The ambulances came and took you guys away. No one would tell us anything. There was blood all over and…we thought you were dead."

Piper looked at her but didn't know what to say. While she was in the hospital it had crossed her mind that they might think she was dead. But she hadn't given it much thought because there weren't really any secrets within those walls. She wasn't dead and she just assumed that everyone knew that.

"When Alex saw you standing there…" Nicky shook her head and looked at her shoes, "we thought you were dead and she was mad at herself for turning you away that night. She thought she got you fucking killed because she was angry at you about Larry. Now, you're not dead and she spent all that time feeling guilty. She's going to have to be angry and she's going to take that out on you."

As much as it sucked to hear this from Nicky, it made sense and Piper understood. It hurt to hear Nicky with this information about Alex though and Piper lashed out. "Don't fucking tell me how she feels. You don't know her. I know her. I know what she's thinking. I spent years learning to read her when she wouldn't talk about what was bothering her. I know what she's saying when she doesn't say anything. And I know what she's really saying when she can't shut up." Piper was crying, as much as she tried to hold it back, the tears were falling steadily. "Don't pretend that you know her. You don't fucking know her." She turned abruptly and slammed back into the stall.

Nicky slipped off the counter and stood against the closed door between her and Piper. "You know what she's saying when she isn't saying anything?" Nicky leaned against the stall door. "Then maybe use some of that insight and figure out what she wants from you. Because I'm sure it isn't for you to be crying in the bathroom." Nicky turned to leave. "Get it together Chapman."


	3. Chapter 3

Piper stayed in the stall for several minutes after she heard Nicky leave. Once she was sure that the tears were done and she would be able to hold it together she washed her face and went to work. She wasn't sure if she should be going to work but there wasn't anything else to do and she didn't want to stand around waiting for trouble to find her.

When she got to the shop she was relieved to find that her stool at the front was still empty. As she approached it she had second thoughts about sitting down next to Nicky and froze in the middle of the room. Luschek interrupted her panicked thoughts. "Chapman, nice of you to join us. Sit the hell down." Super. Now everyone was staring and the only empty seat was next to Nicky. She thought about turning around and leaving but didn't want to end up in SHU. Or did she?

As she took her seat she thought about it. She could just get herself into trouble and be sent to SHU. It would be horrible. A drain on what was left of her sanity but it would be a bed to sleep in without angering Alex any further. Maybe Alex would see it for what it was. A sacrifice for her. For them. Piper could give up human contact for a few weeks if it meant that she might one day be able to count Alex as a friend.

She was lost in thought and didn't hear Luschek send her and Nicky off to work on something in the kitchen. Nicky nudged her and went up to get some tools. "Let's go Chapman. I don't want to be lingering in the kitchen when Gloria and her girls get there." Was Nicky just going to ignore what had happened in the bathroom and go on normally? Piper wasn't sure what to think about that. Reluctantly, she stood and collected her things. She was careful to check her pockets for tools or anything else that might get her into trouble before she walked out the door.

"What's going through your little blond head? What's got you so distracted?" Nicky asked her as they walked through the yard. She sounded sincere but Piper still wondered if she was just looking for something to give to Alex. Some gossip. Maybe Alex wanted to hear that she was losing her marbles.

Piper figured it couldn't hurt to say it out loud. The worst that would happen is that Nicky would go blabbing back to Alex. "I'm trying to figure a way out of Alex's bunk. I don't want her to hate me more than she already does." Piper cringed at the memory of Alex's cold eyes. "I just can't think of a better way out and I'm not sure I can handle it."

"What are you talking about? What's your genius plan?" Nicky looked sideways at her but didn't break stride.

"SHU."

Nicky came to a halt. "No fucking way. Alex might hate you right now but you can't go to SHU. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." She paused. "Scratch that. Maybe I would. But you ain't it. I can't let you get yourself sent to SHU over some stupid fight." She still wasn't moving so Piper stopped as well. "We'll figure something else out."

"We? Since when are we a _we_?" Piper wasn't interested in being one of Nicky's projects. She had seen how Nicky could turn on someone with Trish and she wasn't interested in that. "This is between Alex and me. And it wasn't some stupid fight. I fucked her up. You said so yourself. I keep hurting her and if this is how I make it clear that I'm sorry then so be it. If I decide to go to SHU to give her space then that is up to me. Not you. Thanks anyway." Piper started walking again and didn't care whether Nicky followed her or not.

Nicky caught up and stopped Piper with a hand to her arm. "Wait. Listen to me for a second. I know you don't want to hear this but please, give me a damn second." Piper turned to look at her but there was fire in her eyes. Nicky blinked and looked like she might not say anything after all.

"What?! What is it that you have to tell me?" Piper was mad and starting to get loud.

"I know that you think there's something going on with me and Alex…" she put a hand up to stop Piper, "but you're wrong. We did hook up. Once. For my Christmas present. And I thought that she was into it but then you got hurt and she changed. I'm not as stupid as I let people think. I knew she was totally in love with you and while I thought she was being stupid I respected it. I backed off." She took a breath and when she saw that Piper was still listening she continued, "I was there for her but I wasn't with her. She and I talked a lot but nothing has happened between us since the night of the pageant. She loves you, you stupid ass."

Piper's eyes narrowed at the insult but she probably deserved it so she let it pass. "If she loves me so much then why can't she just…" Piper didn't know what she wanted Alex to do. If Alex just accepted her back and let the past be the past then it would be a lie. Piper knew that Alex needed time and space and the only way she could see to give that to her was to leave her alone. And the only way to do that would be to get herself sent to SHU.

She made a moment of eye contact with Nicky and took a step back. Nicky could see something change in Piper's eyes and she also took a step back. "What are you doing?" Her voice was almost frantic. Nicky took another step back. "Piper, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm going to punch you now." Her voice was even. Calm. Piper tilted her head slightly and seemed to be looking for the perfect place to land her punch. "Tell them it was unprovoked and let them send me to SHU. Do you want to close your eyes or do you want to see it coming?" Piper squared up and raised her only good fist.

"You better fucking not. I'm not just going to stand here and let you punch me. I'm going to hit you back and…"

Piper dropped her fist and interrupted her. "No! Don't do that. They'll send us both away. Just fall down and lay there. I'll stand here and scream at you until a guard comes. Then they'll take me to SHU and Alex will….I don't know what Alex will or won't do. I just know that she won't have to see my face for a few weeks and that seems to be exactly what she wants. I can't take back everything that I've done to her in the last ten years. But I can do this one thing for her. And you can take one for the team, so shut up, close your eyes, and let me punch you in the mouth." She raised her left hand again and made a loose fist.

Nicky was staring at Piper and didn't seem to know what to do. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? Alex will kill me when she finds out I let you do this. Remember how fucked up you were last time you came back from SHU? She may not like you right now but she doesn't want to see that happen to you again. I can guarantee it." Nicky shook her head and was about to say something else when Diaz walked out the door behind Chapman and caught her attention.

In the split second that she was distracted Piper hit her. She punched her straight in the mouth. When Nicky didn't fall to the ground Piper thought about hitting her again. She thought about it but she had cut her knuckle on Nicky's tooth and it was already bleeding. Piper didn't want to bleed in Nicky's mouth so she shoved her instead. It was a weak attempt and Nicky took a big step back rather than falling to the ground.

Nicky looked past Chapman and spoke to Diaz. "Are you seeing this shit?" She was smiling. She turned back to Piper, "how the hell did you do so much damage to Doggett if you can't even knock me down?"

Diaz was standing next to Piper now. She looked between Nicky and Piper and wondered what kind of crazy white girl shenanigans this was. "Is this what white girls do when they got beef?" She smiled and put her arm around Piper's shoulder. "Come on crazy pants. Let's get you inside before you get yourself into trouble."

Piper shrugged her arm off. "Watch it. I'd hit you too if you weren't knocked up, but even I draw the line there. I can't just go around hitting pregnant girls." She turned her attention back to Nicky, "you couldn't just fall down? I didn't hit you hard because I thought we agreed. You'd fall down and tell them I was violent and needed to be isolated for a bit." She kicked dirt onto Nicky's shoes. "Jesus Nicky. I asked for one thing." Then she turned and stomped to the door.

Nicky stood staring after her with a look of shock on her face. She wiped her chin and saw that she was bleeding but she couldn't stop smiling.

Diaz was more surprised that she wasn't surprised by anything anymore. "You girls are crazy. No wonder my mom told me to watch out for you." She turned to watch the door slam shut behind Piper. "Is that what love does to white people?"

Nicky wiped her chin again and laughed. "Yep. Sure is."


	4. Chapter 4

Piper stomped into the hallway and upon seeing O'Neill immediately slowed herself down and walked calmly toward her bunk. Halfway there she remembered that it wasn't her bunk anymore; it belonged to a new inmate. Piper faltered and turned back the way she had just come. "Where the fuck am I supposed to go?" She spoke aloud but no one was around to hear it. With nothing else coming to mind, Piper walked to the kitchen and ran into Nicky.

"Hey." Piper kept her distance. "Sorry about that. I probably shouldn't have hit you."

"You think?" Nicky held a wet paper towel against her bottom lip and narrowed her eyes at Piper. "Now I'm going to have to fuck you up and I really didn't want to have to do that."

Piper took a deep breath and steeled herself. "That's fair. I know you can't just let me hit you. You've got a reputation to uphold." She set her feet and took a deep breath. "Go on. It's the right thing to do."

Piper didn't realize that her eyes were closed until she heard Nicky laughing. "I'm not going to hit you. I should. But I'm not going to." Nicky took the paper towel down and looked at the blood spot on it.

"But, why?" Piper didn't think she should be pressing her luck with questions but she truly didn't understand. "Don't you have to hit me now? Isn't it like, I don't know, prison etiquette?"

Nicky licked her lip and still tasted blood. "Normally I would. Believe me. But this time I'm going to let it go. You did it for love. It was for all the right reasons." She licked her lip again. "It was a stupid fucking plan and you better not try that shit again, but you did it for Alex and I can respect that."

Piper didn't understand why Nicky was letting it go and she suspected that there had to be something else going on but she couldn't wait around for her tired brain to figure it out. Rather than push her luck any further Piper decided to move on and pretend that this hadn't happened. Like Nicky had done with her breakdown in the bathroom. "So, what are we here to work on?" Piper looked around the empty kitchen.

"Oh, that. Nothing. I got Gloria to put in a work order for something so we could have some space to talk." Nicky rinsed her paper towel in the sink and rubbed her face with it. "Any blood left?" She turned to face Piper who tentatively leaned closer to check. Piper shook her head and Nicky smiled. "Good. Wouldn't want to stir up any unnecessary trouble."

Piper nervously looked around the kitchen again. It still seemed to be empty but she had her doubts about what was going on now. "Nicky?" She looked at the door behind them and to the gate that closed off the dining area from the kitchen. "Is someone meeting us here?" Piper's eyes darted around for something to use as a weapon but everything was locked up. There was a frying pan on the stove next to her and she considered how long it would take her to get to it and pick it up.

"You're not going to need that." Nicky had followed her gaze. "No one's going to hurt you. We're just going to talk."

Piper wanted to believe her but that sounded like just the sort of thing that you hear in movies before someone gets tortured. Or murdered. "Nicky, I think we should just head back to the shop. Luschek won't even know. I've got that lamp to worry about, you know, that piece of shit lamp that…"

"Don't worry about the lamp. You've got plenty to worry about without letting that lamp keep you up nights." Piper froze. Red. Shit.

Piper turned to see that Red and Morello were standing behind her. She hadn't heard them come in and she was afraid that it meant the kitchen could be filled with women who wanted to kill her. Her first thought was that Alex had ordered it. She was pretty high up in a drug cartel, she could have connections. And connections were really all you needed to order a prison hit. Was that what this was? A prison hit?

Piper swallowed hard. "Hey Red. Morello." She didn't know what else to say so she shut up. It was probably the only smart thing she'd done since coming back to prison today. Jesus. Had it really only been an hour and a half since she'd been in Caputo's office?

"Chapman." Morello spoke. Her voice sounded normal and she didn't have murderous intentions in her eyes. Although Piper wasn't sure that she would recognize murderous intentions if she saw them. She was a white girl from the suburbs. The only things she had ever seen murdered were spiders. And the occasional mouse. Piper knew that she looked panicked and it felt like the three women surrounding her were enjoying it.

"We need to clear up a few things." Red's voice was serious but didn't sound like she was getting ready to kill anyone. But again, what did Piper know about killing people. Granted, she had almost killed Doggett but that wasn't something she'd planned. She didn't even really remember it. It was all a blur and she hoped that it stayed that way forever.

Piper looked back at Nicky and saw that she was sitting on the counter with her foot up and her chin leaning on her knee. She wasn't bleeding anymore and she looked utterly relaxed. Piper envied her but then wondered how Nicky could be so nonchalant about watching Red and Morello kill her. Maybe no one was going to kill her. Maybe she was overreacting. She hoped so but she couldn't afford to let her guard down yet.

She cleared her throat. "Of course. Let's talk." She managed to sound calmer than she felt.

Morello started. "Things are tense right now. Doggett has some pretty intense followers. We heard that there's a call out for people to fuck with you. They don't have to kill you but the way I hear it is that you're supposed to wish you were dead."

Piper swallowed hard. "Doggett put the word out to have her bible thumpers fuck with me?"

Nicky leaned forward from her perch on the counter and put her chin on Piper's shoulder so she could speak right into her ear. "It was Taylor. Pennsatucky's right hand lady." Piper hadn't realized that she had backed away from Red and Morello and quickly moved forward again.

"The word went out as soon as it was clear that you were back and that Doggett isn't." Red was looking straight at her. "You're going to need protection and we're prepared to offer it." She crossed her arms and waited to see what Piper thought of her offer.

"Why would any of you do that for me? I deserve whatever they do to me. I did almost kill Doggett. Sure, she isn't dead yet but it's only a matter of time. With an infection like she's got…who knows." Piper didn't want to be indebted to Red's gang and she couldn't fathom why they would help her in the first place.

Red looked her up and down. "Maybe you were lucky enough to get the upper hand against that little Jesus freak," she raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "or maybe you're a fighter. Maybe you're scrappy. You'll have to decide for yourself if you need our help." She looked past Piper and made eye contact with Nicky. "But, we're here. Stick to us and we'll make sure you make it through this."

Piper took a deep breath and blinked a few times. This was all surreal. It reminded her of her first day in prison and how nothing made sense. "I don't understand. Why would any of you want to help me?"

Morello looked to Red and Piper heard Nicky slip off the counter behind her. "No way ladies. This isn't her's to know." Nicky turned to Piper. "Just accept that we are going to protect you. No one is going to fuck with you unless you're alone. And we won't let that happen." She slipped her arm around Morello's shoulder. "Just try not to be a pain in the ass. Don't make us regret doing this for you."

Red squinted her eyes at Piper again. "Look, we're doing this because…it's the right thing to do. Let us keep you safe. That fallen angel got exactly what she deserved and we're all grateful that you did what you did. No one could stand her. Let us repay that debt." With that she turned and left. Morello followed a second later.

Piper let herself fall back to lean against the counter. "They didn't kill me." She said it to herself but Nicky laughed.

"Of course not. You're protected here. The word's out. No one fucks with you, or else." She let that hang.

"Or else what?" Piper was curious and wasn't about to let Nicky leave it like that. "Who's protecting me? I don't have friends on the inside, or whatever it is that people say. I'm not in the Aryan Brotherhood, or Sisterhood, whatever. It's just me. And Pennsatucky's vendetta. I don't get it. This has nothing to do with you guys." Piper's voice was shrill. The fear of what Doggett's friends would do to her if given the chance was making her palms sweat.

"Chill. No one is going to hurt you if you let us do our jobs. You'll be fine and everything will blow over." She turned to leave. "Now, let's get back to the shop before Luschek comes looking for us."

Nicky walked away but Piper found it impossible to convince her legs to move. She was safe right where she was. "I can't." Her voice strangled in her throat and she fought down tears again. Crying was getting to be a habit that she couldn't afford to have.

Nicky sighed and turned back. "Chapman." When Piper didn't look up she repeated herself, louder this time, "Chapman!" That got her attention. "You have to trust me. You have to let Red's girls do their thing. We've been in a situation like this before and I promise that we can keep you safe if you let us." Nicky put her hand on Piper's shoulder and continued, "none of us want the consequences of letting you get hurt."

Piper couldn't shake the feeling that there was something bigger than her going on. It was obvious to her even in her obtuse state. As much as she wanted to interrogate Nicky about it she didn't think that she would be able to make a sentence without breaking down into tears. Today had just been too much and it didn't seem to be getting any better. In fact, it was getting worse and worse with each passing minute. She found her voice, "can you please tell Luschek that I wasn't feeling well and I went to lie down?"

Nicky started shaking her head before the request was even out of her mouth. "No way. Did you listen to anything we just said? You stay with one of us. That isn't actually a request."

Piper's knees started shaking and she felt herself getting tunnel vision. The reality of her situation was setting in and she knew that she couldn't handle it. Her body was shutting down to save her from having to face it. In the past nine days she, Piper Chapman, had nearly beaten a human being to death, been completely shut out by the one person she needed to be with right now, had a prison vendetta raised against her, and she was being protected by a rag-tag bunch of women in prison. The last word hung in her mind as her body crumpled to the ground.

Prison.


	5. Chapter 5

Piper opened her eyes as she felt herself lifted off the ground. To her right was Nicky and on her left was Norma. Piper hadn't seen Norma since the pageant and she felt a smile creep across her face. "Oh, Norma. You were fantastic. You have such a beautiful voice." Piper smiled at her and turned to Nicky. "Wasn't she wonderful?"

"Yeah. Sure." Nicky looked at Norma. "You were great." She hoisted Piper up further and managed to get under her arm. As Norma positioned herself on the other side Nicky took Piper's face in her free hand. "You are going to be the death of me. Let's get out of here before anyone else shows up." Norma and Nicky started out the door with Piper hanging between them.

"Whoa, ladies, I can walk." Piper tried to pull away but was held in place.

Nicky refused to release her hold on the blond and Norma took her cue from Nicky. "We're going to put you in your bunk and you're going to shut up. I can't take any more out of you today."

Piper closed her mouth and tried to set her feet on the ground but she was too weak to resist being half carried and half dragged down the hall. She hissed in Nicky's ear, "I thought you were supposed to be keeping me safe. Alex is going to kill me if she finds me in her cube. She'll smother me with a pillow when your back is turned."

Nicky shook her head and didn't respond. Halfway down the hall they ran across O'Neill. "Where do you think you're going? Everyone should be at work. Get back to where you ought to be."

Nicky got a better grip on Piper and nodded for Norma to take off. She didn't want anyone else getting in trouble. As she shouldered more of Piper's weight she looked up at the guard. "She got dizzy in the kitchen while we were working on something for Luschek. I was just going to drop her off at her bunk and then I'll be off to work." He looked as though he were about to argue. "Caputo told her to take it easy today and I don't want anyone to get in trouble if he catches her out of bed."

O'Neill still wanted to put in his two cents but decided to let it go. "Get her to her dorm and then hustle back to work. This place doesn't need two slackers." He gave Piper a pointed look and walked away.

When they walked into the dorm Piper used her last bit of energy to pull Nicky to a stop. She cautiously peeked around and when she didn't see Alex she sighed. Nicky led her to the cube and Piper dropped down onto her bunk. It smelled like Alex there and tears welled up in her eyes. "Honestly, with the crying. You've got to cut that out." Nicky pulled Piper's things up onto the bed. "They brought your stuff down earlier. Here. Unpack. Get comfy. Do not, under any circumstances, leave this cube. I don't care if you pee your pants. Stay here until someone gets here."

Before Piper could argue Nicky was gone. Piper was alone. Piper was terrified. Piper was exhausted. Slowly she stood up and made her bed. She made her bed just like she'd been taught her first day in prison. She had tweaked it a bit when she lived with Miss Claudette and she'd never had a problem from any guard during an inspection. The mundane act of making her bunk calmed her a little bit and she set about laying her things out on her half of the cube. Her books went on the desk and she kept one aside to take to bed with her.

Piper settled onto her bed, following the rule of laying on top of, never under, the blankets. She leaned back and closed her eyes for a second. It was just a second though because almost immediately she heard a shoe scuff the floor and she sat up. Her heart was pounding and she was frantic. It hadn't even been ten minutes since Nicky left and she was already about to be murdered. Damn it Nicky. Seeing Alex standing at the entrance to their cube did nothing to steady her racing heart and she cursed silently under her breath.

Alex didn't say anything. She came into the space and sat on her bed. She leaned against the wall and opened a book. Piper held her breath and waited for Alex to fling it at her head or throw a lit match onto her bed but nothing happened. Slowly, Piper relaxed back onto the wall on her side and she concentrated on her breathing. Nothing seemed to be happening. Alex was reading and ignoring her. Piper was breathing and no one seemed hell bent on killing her in that particular moment. It was a testament to Piper's intelligence that she kept silent and let things carry on as peacefully as they were.

While her mouth might be silent, her brain was another matter entirely. Piper snuck looks at Alex and thought about the conversation that she and Nicky had had that morning in the bathroom. Alex had cried every night? She was worried about her? It was hard for Piper to believe after what had happened between them the night of the pageant. Despite Piper's best efforts she could still see Alex's face as she turned her away. She could hear the hurt in Alex's voice. Piper knew that hurting Alex was one of the things she needed to make amends for. She had done it far too many times and at times when she should have been the one helping Alex hold her life together.

_The day she walked out on Alex and ended their relationship was one of the greatest regrets of her life. The plane ride home was brutal and she knew that she had made a huge mistake. When she landed in the states Piper immediately bought a plane ticket to New York. She sat in the airport for hours waiting for that flight. She fully intended to be there, in New York, waiting for Alex when she got off the plane. When her flight was called over the intercom she stood and waited in line with her ticket in hand. She boarded the plane and flew to New York. _

_Piper was standing in the terminal when Alex got off the plane. Piper saw her face when Alex didn't know she was there. There were tracks on Alex's cheeks where she had hastily wiped away tears and there was a glint in her eye that said she was done with the tears. Piper took a step forward but Alex squared her shoulders and set her face into a look of grim determination. Piper took a step back against the wall and watched Alex walk past her. She knew that Alex hadn't seen her. There was no way that she could have. Alex wasn't even really in the terminal right then. She was inside of herself and her gaze was set to something outside of the airport. Alex was a woman on a mission and she didn't need Piper to hold her hand. Piper made herself believe that as she watched Alex walk away._

_It had been one of her most selfish moments and the thing that she was least proud of in her life. Piper stood against that wall for a long time, long after Alex was gone. By the time Piper made her way to a ticket counter she was sure that Alex was already with her aunt. _

_Buying a ticket home seemed like the true end of her relationship with Alex and Piper faltered before handing her credit card to the woman behind the counter. What if she showed up at the funeral? Maybe Alex would be happy to see her. Maybe Alex would let her sit in the front row with her and hold her hand and dry her tears. The more Piper thought about it the more sure she was that Alex would throw her out._

_Piper was a selfish spoiled brat. She took her ticket and walked back through security. Sitting at the gate she knew that she had chosen to keep her memory of walking out on Alex, rather than risk having Alex be the one to turn her back. Piper cried silently for a minute but stopped almost as soon as she had started. It wasn't fair for her to cry. This was her fault. Their break up was her idea and Piper knew that she was being selfish even as she packed her things back in their apartment. Alex hiding her passport should have been a sign that she wasn't ready for things to be over. Piper almost caved then but her anger spiked. She was tired of being ignored and after how much she had screamed and yelled the past few days there was no way she could back down. So Piper had packed and Piper had stomped around the whole time she was busy throwing her things into suitcases._

As Piper sat in her cube, no longer being discreet about staring at Alex, her mind continued to think back to the day that she threw it all away. Back to the moment when she put herself ahead of someone who had never done anything wrong to her. Someone who had never lied to her. Someone who had been completely honest about what kind of life Piper would have if she agreed to be with her. Alex was totally honest about what she wanted from Piper and what she would give Piper if she quit her job and traveled with her. Even now the words felt bitter in her mouth. _"I feel like a pathetic housewife. Is this our life now?"_

That was just one more example of Piper being Piper. Alex worked hard. Maybe it wasn't legal work. Maybe she didn't pay taxes and maybe it wasn't something that could be discussed around the dinner table with Piper's family but it was work. And Alex paid for everything. Since Piper quit her job as a waitress and flew off to travel the world she hadn't worked for one second. She hadn't wanted anything that Alex hadn't provided. Except maybe some attention. And now, in prison, with Alex sitting across from her and nothing but time between them, neither one of them could speak to the other. Piper couldn't blame Alex though. She deserved it, just like she deserved everything else that was happening to her.

_Piper was searching the bathroom when the phone rang. She pulled everything out of the hamper and tossed it around the room, not caring that she was making a mess for Alex to clean up later. "Alex, where the hell is my passport?" When there was no answer she threw things around some more, even though she was just making a mess for the sake of making a mess at this point. Piper took a tiny bit of pleasure in knowing that later she would be gone and Alex would walk into the bathroom and have this reminder of her. As she stormed out of the bathroom she saw Alex sitting on the bed but didn't register the signs that she should have seen. "It wasn't in the bathroom." She continued ransacking the bedroom._

_Alex didn't move and ignored her as she shouted about missing her flight. When Piper finally realized that something more was going on, that Alex's mom was dead, it was too late. She was too angry and she was too deep into leaving to back down now. It was her pride that made her turn away when Alex asked her not to leave. It was her pride that took the handle of her suitcase and pulled it out of the bedroom. It was Piper's pride that carried her to the airport and walked her onto a plane. But if Piper was being honest with herself, it wasn't pride. It was selfishness. And it was the worst thing she had ever done._


	6. Chapter 6

Alex knew that Piper was staring at her. She could feel her eyes on her and it burned. It wasn't an uncomfortable burning. It was a familiar burning. One that she had felt many times before. Nights when she was stuck on the phone or on her laptop making arrangements for pick-ups or drops. Many many nights when Piper was bored and Alex knew it. Those nights made Alex feel guilty. She had never wanted Piper to feel like anything less than her everything.

Alex had considered giving it all up when Piper said she was leaving. She would have. Except that it wasn't an option. Being a drug runner wasn't something that you could just walk away from when you got tired of it. There wasn't anything in writing but Alex felt like she had signed a contract with her life. And now that Piper was with her and traveled with her and knew so many of the people in Alex's business, she felt like she was playing with Piper's life as well.

As much as it hurt, and it fucking hurt, she had to let Piper go. She had to get over her own feelings and let Piper leave. Her head could understand it. But her heart had other plans; and that's why she had hidden Piper's passport. And now, sitting on their respective bunks in their shared cube, Alex felt Piper's eyes on her and wondered if they were thinking of the same thing. How Piper had walked away when Alex needed her the most.

The look on Piper's face told Alex that she was thinking of some dark shit and she almost spoke to break the spell that Piper seemed to be under. Almost. But she didn't. As much as she wanted to be the shoulder that Piper could run to, it wasn't her place anymore. Piper had made that clear by choosing Larry and Alex had stuck to it the night of the pageant.

Not chasing after her when Piper turned around the night of the pageant had been the second hardest thing that Alex had ever had to do. Piper looked terrified. She was upset and had probably wanted to have it out with Alex, but underneath that was something else. She was scared and Alex had never seen that look on Piper's face before. She imagined it was similar to the look that had been on her face when Piper had held her passport up like a trophy and turned away. If Alex had thought there was even a chance of convincing Piper to stay then she would have chased her out of the bedroom. She would have chased her out into the street and ordered a taxi to follow her to the airport. But she knew. She knew that Piper was leaving France. She was leaving Alex.

Alex turned her eyes back to her book. The words were swimming on the page and she held her breath, held the tears in her eyes, and held the book hard in her hands. She wouldn't cry over Piper. Not this time. When her mother died Alex had cried the whole time she packed. She was alone for the first time in a long time and twice she turned around to ask Piper something. Twice she looked at the empty room and remembered that she had no one. Alex bit her lip as she remembered sinking to the floor and holding one of Piper's shirts to her face.

_Alex watched Piper walk out the door of their bedroom. She stood still for what seemed like forever and then reached out to the dresser. She held onto it because it felt like she was floating and she needed to anchor herself. Her fingers found a hand hold and she clung to it as she sobbed. The door slammed over and over in her head and each time it felt like someone hit her. Finally, with no more tears left to cry she turned back to her clothes and continued folding her shirts. _

_When her suitcase was packed she went into the bathroom to get her toiletries and stopped. It was a disaster. There were clothes on every surface. It made Alex mad at first but then as quickly as the anger had come it was gone. There was a shirt beside the toilet. One of Piper's shirts. Alex lifted it to her face and smelled it. Her smell was there. Alex held it and let herself slide to the floor while she sniffed Piper's smell out of the shirt. She was crying again and had a headache but she couldn't stop. She felt pathetic and knew that she was being ridiculous. Her mother was dead and she was mourning Piper as if she hadn't chosen to walk away. Piper made a choice and Alex needed to move on. The pain was fresh, so fucking fresh, but she had to go home for her aunt. For her mother. _

By the time Alex pulled herself back to the present she didn't feel bad for Piper anymore. She had brought a tiny bit of her anger back with her from that memory and she used it to dry her tears before they fell. Piper had been her world, the reason she worked as hard as she did, the reason she stayed in such nice places when a crappy hotel would have been easier. Piper had used her to travel the world and then dumped her when Alex couldn't toss everything aside to give her undivided attention.

Alex refused to let her eyes drift up to Piper again. She focused on her book and lost herself in the author's words. Her presence would guarantee that Piper was safe. Piper's physical safety was her only concern at the moment. Alex couldn't let herself worry about Piper's mental state. That was just too much right now. Despite trying for eight days, Alex had been unable to erase Piper from her mind. It shouldn't have been surprising. She hadn't been able to forget Piper in ten years. What made her think that she would be able to do it in eight days?

_Alex took her shirt off while she sat on the floor of the bathroom. She pulled Piper's shirt over her head and lifted the neckline to her nose one more time. Alex knew that if she wore the shirt it would lose Piper's smell that much quicker but she needed to have it close to her body. She needed to believe that a part of Piper was with her. _

_It didn't fit well and Alex was forced to put a loose sweatshirt on over it. In the back of her mind Alex knew that she was being weak but she convinced herself that she was allowed this moment of weakness if it got her home and through the funeral. Alex flew home wearing Piper's shirt. In the airport she was on autopilot. She wandered towards the exit and almost missed customs. Which made her think of Piper and tears sprang to her eyes. Damn. Everything reminded her of Piper. _

_The smell of Piper was stronger now and Alex realized that it was because she was hot and her own body was forcing the smell toward her face. She welcomed it and pretended for a second that Piper was there with her, in the airport, waiting in the line at customs. But she wasn't and Alex had to start thinking like what she was, a woman on her own. A woman with no one left. _

_No one was waiting for her outside the airport and she hailed a cab to take her to her aunt's house. Her family knew about her relationship with Piper and Alex found herself growing angrier each time she had to explain that Piper had left her. 'Yes, Piper left me at the moment when I found out my mother had died. Yes, she is a bitch. Yes it is hard to believe that sweet little Piper would do that. But let's move on. If I have to find a way through this without her then all of you can surely do the same.' _

_Alex slept with Pipers shirt draped across her pillow that night. She rolled over looking for Piper more than once, and each time when she realized she was alone in the bed she would hold the shirt to her face. She used it to dry her tears and muffle her sobs. In the morning Alex put the t-shirt in the bottom drawer of a night stand in her aunt's house and never touched it again. _

Alex wasn't able to focus on the words she was reading and she found herself reading the same passage over again. Despite her best efforts, Alex's eyes lifted to see that Piper wasn't staring at her anymore. Her eyes were closed and tears were streaming down her cheeks. It took everything that Alex had not to rise from her bed and hold Piper in her arms. It wasn't fair. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to hate Piper. She wanted so many things that she couldn't have. And Piper was one of them.


End file.
